Inside My Head

Too often, we spend time focusing on what's wrong with our bodies, what we don't like, how much happier we would be "if just one thing were different."

When you wake up in the morning, instead of thinking about what you would change, think about what you would keep the same. Every time you go to find or say one negative thing about yourself, find one positive thing first.

It's amazing how much happier people can be when they focus on loving what they have, instead of wishing things were different.

You're perfect - Deal with it.

This is one of those quotes that may seem crazy, until you put it into practice.

Have you ever watched your friends, teammates, or coworkers when you're playing a sport? Notice how they act when you're winning or when you're losing? How about the way they handle their temper? Or how about the way they shake hands with the other team after the game? Are they cheering the team on? Are they criticizing?

I have found that a person's behavior in sports provides some of the best insight into their personality. The stress of a sport, from the physical demand to the pressure to perform, brings out the best (and the worst) in people.

The next time you're playing a sport, take a look around you... You will be surprised by how much you can learn.

When you hire an employee, when you choose to accept a friend request, when you follow someone on a social site... You made your decision to take action (whether it was an acceptance or rejection), by judging that person.

You made a judgement when you decided if that person was worth the hire, acceptance or follow. A judgement as to whether or not this person was worth getting to know. A judgement as to whether or not this person was worth your time and energy. A judgement on if this is someone you wanted in your life or not.

Don't be afraid to admit that you judge. We all do it, we have to. Call it what you want to call it - judgement, evaluation, analysis... the ability to look at a situation, evaluate it against your own criteria and make a decision is an essential skill.

I'm not talking about claiming to be better than someone - I'm talking about the ability to set standards and criteria that are important to you, and evaluate against those.

If you're not judging, you're not making an informed decision.

There’s no such thing as “the right moment”.

I was talking to a friend of mine who recently proposed to his girlfriend. He was describing the scenario to me - how he planned to do it, the preparation that went into it, the speech, the setting - every small detail. But when it came to the moment he had planned to do it, the wind made it too cold to be outside, there were mosquitoes everywhere, and the moment didn’t feel right. Shortly after realizing his plan wasn’t going to work, he made his "right moment" and popped the question.

I don’t believe that there’s ever “the right moment” for anything. If you wait until the right moment, you’ll most likely miss it without realizing it was ever there. I do however believe in “your right moment” – the moment you create through the actions you take.

Have you ever noticed that when something happens, afterwards you describe it as “the right moment”? Did everything really just fall into place and the right moment appeared? Or was it the right moment because you chose to make something happen - to make it your right moment?

Don’t wait for the right moment to find you, go out and make your own moment.

“What better place than here, what better time than now.” – Rage Against the Machine

I was driving with @josiemeleca and we noticed a water main had burst and was flooding the streets. I immediately said, “Someone should call about that”. Josie picked up her phone and called it in to the city.

I was sitting in an office when the buzzer for the door rang – we all looked at each – someone should get the door.

I started to realize how often the phrase “someone should do that” comes up. An elderly person looking for a seat on the bus – someone should give up their seat. A project manager listing off action items – someone should take that on. A man asking a group of people for directions – someone should answer him. We may not always say it out loud, but we do always think it.

What’s wrong with being first? What’s wrong with being the first person to offer your seat on the bus? What’s wrong with being the first to put up your hand to take on an additional task? What’s wrong with being the first person to respond to a question?

It’s a lot easier to be delegated to than it is to step-up and take charge.  

Someone should do something if anything is going to happen. Why can’t that someone be you?

Someone has to care about making money. Someone has to care about the environment. Someone has to care about animals. Someone has to care about education. Someone has to care about something for anything to happen.

Maybe making money isn’t your first priority. Maybe environmental movements aren’t on your agenda. Maybe social justice isn’t your main cause. That’s okay.

Find your passion, your cause, your focus. When you find it, embrace it, work at it and don’t falter because your passion makes you different.

It takes all kinds of people with all kinds of passions to make things happen. What’s your passion? What will you make happen?

Several months ago, I had a meeting and things got pretty intense. Emotions that we had bottled up came out and tempers started to flare.

Eventually, we all calmed down. We talked through the issues we were having. Talked about why we felt frustrated and how we could improve the relationship going forward. Most importantly, we talked about WHY it took us so long to confront each other with our frustrations.

Confrontation scares people. It’s uncomfortable and so often it seems easier to not deal with an issue. We hope that the issue will resolve itself and the problem will go away. Avoiding issues and the difficult conversation is the worst thing that you can do and doesn’t resolve anything.

Avoidance leads to unsolved issues. Unsolved issues lead to frustration. Frustration leads to resentment. Resentment leads to broken relationships… you get the point.

The best thing you can do for yourself, and the other person, is to have the difficult conversation. Deal with the issue. Resolve your differences (or agree to disagree) and move on.

The moments before the conversation are always nerve-racking. Take a deep breath, know that the conversation is the right thing to do, and start talking.

Today we remember a father, a grandpa, a brother, a son. Today marks the one year anniversary of my Nonno’s passing. (Nonno is grandfather in Italian) While the sadness lessens, the memories never fade.

Today is about remembering. Remembering an incredible man that overcame so much difficulty and pain and who found a way to be the best he could be. Remembering how important family is and that no matter how difficult life gets, family is the strongest support system you can have.

Today is about celebrating. Celebrating the time we are able to spend together and the memories we make that we can look back on with such happiness and love.

Today is about realizing. Realizing that life is too short, that the people we get to share our lives with are irreplaceable, and that we cannot wait another day to appreciate everything and everyone in our lives.

Today is about being thankful. Thankful for everything we have, no matter how much or how little.

Today is about reflecting. Reflecting on how we’ve gotten to where we are today and recognizing everyone and everything that has shaped who we are.

The thing about death is that you know it’s going to happen one day. But it never seems real until it happens. And when it happens, you realize that life is too short. Life is too short for holding grudges, for being angry and for fighting. Life is too short for not expressing love, sharing laughs and smiling.

Today is a reminder that you only get one chance in this lifetime. Only one opportunity to make your time on this earth count. Don’t wait for tomorrow to make a difference, to tell someone you care, to “do that thing you’ve been meaning to do”. Tomorrow may never come – today is your day. What will you do with it?

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This one is for you Nonno – I know you’re dancing above the clouds.

In loving memory of our beautiful father who passed away on April 21, 2010.

May the roads rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rain fall soft upon your fields.

And, until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

You remain in our minds and hearts forever...

-          Love always, your children -

John, Marylou, Susanna (Gabriella) and Sabrina, Your loving grandchildren, family and friends.

When is the last time you said “sorry” for something? 

I played softball for over 12 years when I was growing up. I had one particular coach who pushed me a lot. He pushed me to work harder, to be a stronger player, to learn from my mistakes. He helped me realize that sometimes you had to “take one for the team” and that sportsmanship is one of the most important qualities players can have. Most importantly, he pushed me to have confidence in myself.

When I would make a mistake, he would tell me what I did wrong, show me how to do it better, and make me do the play over and over again until I got it right. When I would become frustrated with myself, he would bend down, look me in the eyes and tell me to smile. When I would say “I’m sorry” for making a mistake he would say “No you’re not”. I never really understood why he did that. I wanted him to just accept my apology and not be disappointed in me.

Over time, I discovered there was more to it. He wanted me to learn from my mistakes, not apologize for them. Every time I apologized, it only came across as an excuse for doing something wrong. This coach had no patience for excuses.

He was teaching me to be responsible for my actions, to be confident and most importantly to learn from everything I did.

People make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes require apologies. Don’t use “I’m sorry” as an excuse to not learn a lesson. Apologize when you need to, learn lessons from your mistakes and continue to push yourself to become a better person.

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with a student who was incredibly passionate about social change. He had very strong beliefs and opinions and really wanted to connect with people who supported his beliefs and wanted to make a change.

After spending almost an hour with him, I asked if he had a blog. He said he didn’t because he didn’t have an audience. I shocked him a bit when I told him that he needed an outlet – not an audience – to share his thoughts.

When I first started my blog, I wasn’t sure what to write about. I had a conversation with @malcolmbastien, and he made me realize that I just needed to write about topics that were important to me.

I encourage you to do the same. Focus first on creating good, valuable content – an audience will come later.